So I haven't posted a blog in over 2 months... guess its about time to update!
Hmmm.... where to start? Oh! I know!
This pregnancy is kicking my butt! No, I guess its not really that bad. But my immune system is so down that I have yet ANOTHER sinus infection. Then I got the flu shot, and woke up the next morning with the stinkin' flu! Aside from being sick, I'm enjoying being pregnant. I love to feel the baby moving. Here, I'll explain how it feels... take your right index finger and lightly tap on your stomach. Now, imagine that coming from inside... there you go! Its an amazing feeling!
We have our "BIG" ultrasound scheduled for the 29th of November. We'll be attempting to find out if this is a little boy or a little girl. Petey is praying its a boy... I am praying its a girl. A good friend of ours keeps teasing that God's going to answer both of our prayers and give us both! I don't know what we would do if it was twins!
I'll post ultrasound pics both here and on my Myspace page so everyone can see our little bundle of joy.
I catch myself wondering quiet often if we're ready for this. Its a little scary. I know that we can handle a baby, but financially, I'm not sure. I don't want to go back to work after the baby is born, but if we can't get these ridiculous child support payments lowered then I'll have to. Keep us in your prayers. We're trying to find a way to just get them terminated, but everything takes money, and all the 'extra' money we have, goes straight to that woman. I'm trying not to get bitter, but I just don't feel like its fair. No, I know it's not fair. She is using us to buy herself new cars, and new clothes, and sends her daughter to school in clothes that are too small, and shoes that don't fit. She goes out and parties all the time, and won't let Petey see her. She's more than willing to drop her off at his parents house, but to call here and say, "Hey, will you take your daughter for the night?" Well... that just doesn't happen. It just not right!
Okay... I'm babbling, and there house work to be done. So for now, I'm done!

Stupid things I've said and done that I'm going to blame on pregnancy

Sounds aweful huh? But how else can they be explained?
Things I've said:
"So you're a nurse? No... I meant you're a nurse. NO! I meant you're on a nurse today? AH! Sorry! You're with a nurse today?"
"No, I'm not nauseous, I just feel like throwing up!"
"I can't find my shoes!" to which my husband responded "They are in your hand!"
"Where are my glasses?" response "You're wearing them."
"Do you want to color" "yes ma'am" "Okay... but do you want to color?"
Things I've done:
-I have to pin numbers on childrens back and then give the parent a corresponding number in order to pick up their children. I knew that I had taken 2 off of the hook, but I couldn't find the second one. I asked the mother if I had already given it to her, she said no, so I gave her another one. About a half hour after the mother left I found the missing number! I had pinned BOTH of them to the little girls back!
-I was making dinner at my mom and dad's house and I needed to get the rice out of the pantry. I kept opening the refrigerator and getting mad because I couldn't find it. Finally my mom asked me was I was doing, "I'm just trying to make rice." "What are you getting from the fridge?" I laughed and walked around the corner to the pantry, after I got the rice my mom asked me again "What were you getting from the fridge?" "Nothing, I did't realize it was the refrigerator!"
Okay... that's all for now. Most of this happened the week before I found out I was pregnant! I've heard it's only going to get worse! Pray for me!

So it's been a LONG while... but I'm finally posting something!

5 tests later...
Okay... so I knew I felt funny, not like something was wrong but something was definatly different. I felt sick all the time, everything was louder, everything smelled stronger. My monthly was late, which I was starting to become accustomed to, probably because I was stressing my self out with "I want to be pregnant" and every month I would test and 15 -45 mins after I tested I would start. So I didn't expect anything different. Well, I waited until I was 5 days late before I convinced myself to go buy a test. So I walked around walmart for about an hour before I actually went back to the pharmacy dept. Then I walked around for another fifteen minutes before I picked up the box. I finally went home and sat down at the computer and played solitare for about another 45 minutes before I convinced myself to actually take the test. I went into the bathroom hurried up and did what I had to do and threw the test in the medicine cabinet before it had a chance to tell me "NO" again. I went back to my computer and played another game of solitare before the anxiety was almost going to kill me! I went back into the bathroom and opened the cabinet and there on the test were 2 lines. I set it back down and left the room for a minte, then went back in and picked it up again. My husband was sleeping between shifts and I didn't want to scare him, so as much as I wanted to yell I didn't. With test in hand I walked into the living room trying not to cry or fall on my face and I said "Petey" it was too late I was crying. He opened his eyes and looked at me, then he closed his eyes again. "Petey, wake up" He noticed this time that I was crying. He looked around the room and then at my shakey hand and said "Are you pregnant?" I started balling, I've never been so happy! We talked about for a while then I got up and went to take the 2nd test. After that one came out positive I called my cousin to bring me some 'offical' tests. Then I took one more before I went to bed. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was sure I was just dreaming, so I went into the bathroom and took yet another test. It was still positive, and I still felt sick. I was finally convinced.
Our baby is due on or around April 10th. We're hoping for April 12th... that was my Grandma's birthday. I really don't care if its a boy or a girl as long as the baby is healthy! I'll keep everyone updated on Dr visits and all of that good stuff! I'M SO EXCITED!

ARMY

Well, we're one step closer to getting in, but now they are saying that Petey’s HS Diploma may not qualify for diploma status. It may just be a GED or even a waste of time and $. He is so frustrated... we won't know for a few more days though... we want to know now. The school says that they should accept it, but they also said we can send the diploma back and get a refund or change programs and do the home school program. But that will take 3 months. We are really struggling, financially; mentally it’s all really discouraging. We need prayer. We need to know that this is God's will. We thought it was, but maybe it isn't. I know that if it is God's will, it will all work out. I just wish we didn't have to play the waiting game. I really don't like waiting!
Well on a good note, he passed the pre-ASVAB but they recommended that he brush up on his Math. If all goes well he'll take the actual ASVAB next Thursday and he could be heading out to Basic as soon as July 1st. Its scary... really scary. I can't wait though! They don't let you choose where you’re going, not now. The recruiter explained to us that they have so many job openings that they really won't know where he is needed until after Basic, so between Basic and AIT we'll find out. I'm hoping that we get stationed where we know someone. I have family in Georgia, and California and we have friends in Texas. But we may also be stationed over seas, so we're hoping for Italy or Germany. They said that the shortest time for AIT is 11 weeks but it could be as long as 52 weeks, but the average is 16 weeks, it all depends on his job. Either way it all interprets to a long time without my honey. Just thinking about it makes me miss him!
Our sign on bonus will be nice, enough to get us another car without having to make payments. I think that once he leaves I'm going to move out of the house so my parents can rent it for more $ and I can save some. We don't pay too much a month in rent but we won't be able to afford that especially with the ridiculous child support payment we have to make. I have a couple of options; I can move in with my parents or move in with my 'sister' she's a real close friend that everyone mistakes as my sister. They all think that she is my mom's other daughter. Her and her husband have 2 extra rooms in their trailer, and he works odd hours so I won't really be interfering. Or move back in with my parents. We need to pay off some dental bills!

Pray for us!

Total Surrender

sur·ren·der ( P ) (s-rndr)v. sur·ren·dered, sur·ren·der·ing, sur·ren·ders v. tr.
To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.
Law. To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.

That was the theme of the Women's Weekend. This was my first retreat with a bunch of women, and to tell you the truth, I had no idea what to expect. I figured it would be just like camp... in a way it was... but I got more out of this weekend then I ever got from a week at youth camp. Denise Gould was the speaker, and she did an awesome job. On thursday night she preached on what total surrender is. I always thought I was surrendered to God, but not fully. I still take things in my own hands and I there are a few instances where my trust in God was anything but evident. God dealt with me the whole weekend about trusting him fully and giving him more time. I always leave rushed and I don't have time to read or pray... my excuse is because I have to the my husband and my step daughter ready. My day goes by so fast that by the time 10 p.m. comes around I've forgotten to read and pray so just before bed I say a prayer and read a chapter... maybe even half.
I've been doing good so far. I've been reading and praying before I get to work. I'm really trying to be totally surrendered; I don't want to miss out on what god has for me.
The weekend wasn't all seriousness. We had a lot of fun while we were up there. I had no idea that grown women could be so crazy! It was a lot of fun... I made some great memories!

Weight loss...
What a HEADACHE!!!!

once upon a time I used to be a tiny size 5... as time went on I got bigger and bigger and bigger! Here it is... my journey back to thin.


May 10th, 2006
174 lbs yuck! That's ridiculous! Well I've lost 6 lbs since April 5th... so I feel like I'm on the right track. My husband and I have been walking every week day 3 miles a day. We probably ruin about half of the calories that we burn because we stop for ice cream at either DQ or the Old Colorado City Creamery... but that's stopping. We'll bring water with us from now on; it's time to start feeling comfortable being me again.

I'll start posting pics of my progress soon. I'm hoping for a digital camera for mothers day. Oh... you're probably wondering why I get a mother's day gift when I'm not a mother, huh? Well... technically speaking I am. I have a 4 year old step daughter, her name is Alyia. She is so special to me. I can't imagine not having her in our lives. We have her every weekend with the sole intent of raising her in church.

I've set my main goal weight to 115 lbs by November 30th of this year. But 59 lbs is a big number when you look at it like that. So I've broken it up as follows:
Goal weight #1 157 lbs- loose 17 lbs by July 7th my reward will be getting contacts
Goal weight #2 141 lbs- loose 16 lbs by Sept 1st my reward will be getting a manicure
Goal weight #3 127 lbs- loose 14 lbs by Oct 20th my reward will be a pedicure
Goal weight #4 115 lbs- loose 12 lbs by Nov 30th my reward will be a shopping spree (I'll definately need a whole new wardrobe.

Rewarding my self isn't my only insentive. My husband is planning on joining the Army this summer, and when we leave to our first station I want every one to remember me happy with who I am. I want to be comfortable in my own body! Well, keep us in your prayers!

Aren't these the cutest things you've ever seen? They are made of Marzipan... a candy made from Almond paste. They would be the perfect baby shower candy huh? Anyway, I thought these were so adorable I had to share them. I'll be posting again later today!

Surprise!!

We've been planning it for 2 months now, the whole time we were hoping and praying that he wouldn't figure it out! It was my Uncle Henry's 60th birthday. We wanted to throw him a surprise party. We invited everyone he knows, and the funny thing about it was my dad was handing out invitations right infront of him and he didn't even know! It was about 15 minutes until the party started and it was all going so smooth, no stress at all. My dad, (going along with the plan) called over to his house and had the following conversation:
Ring, Ring
Aunt Juanita: "Hello?"
Dad: "Hi, Juanita. It's Bill, bring him here at 2:30, let me talk to him."
Aunt Juanita: Chuckles, "Henry, Bill's on the phone."
Uncle Henry: "Hello?"
Dad: "Hi Henry. I need to talk to, can you come over?"
Uncle Henry: "We're getting ready to go out to eat, whats going on?"
Dad: "I don't feel comfortable talking about it on the phone. Just, please come over."
Uncle Henry: "I'll have to talk to Juanita. Is there anyone else you can talk to?"
Dad: "No, Henry, you're my older brother and I need to speak to you. Please, it won't talk long."
Uncle Henry: "Ok, what time?"
Dad: "2:30."
Uncle Henry: "I'll try."
Dad: "Please do, I appreciate it."
Uncle Henry: "Alright, I'll talk to Juanita. Bye."
Dad: "Bye."
Well, the house quickly filled up with family members and old friends, the last guest arriving just seconds before Uncle Henry and Aunt Juanita pulled up. There were about 100 people waiting to see his reaction. He gets out of the car, and Aunt Juanita stays in.
Ding Dong (that's the doorbell ringing)
My dad answers the door.
Uncle Henry: "Hey, what's going on?"
Dad: "Come in"
Uncle Henry: "Is this going to take long? We have reservations."
Dad: "Just come in."
Up to this point Uncle Henry is oblivious to the crowd of people awaiting his arrival and hearing how cold the ball of fire he is really can be. He has also failed to realize that just 3 feet behind my dad are his sisters and sons.
My dad steps aside and Uncle Henry puts ONE foot in the door
Everybody: "Surprise!"
Uncle Henry turned the brightest shade of red I have ever seen him, and turned around and shook his finger at my aunt.
He walked in the house and wonder around through the crowd, each face surpising him even more and the real surprise hadn't even been unveiled yet. His son Tony had set up a slide show presentation with pics of him growing up and then he ended it with pics of lions, monkeys, elephants, african cuisine, african villages and people. After the slide show, Tony and his brothers stood up infront of the crowd as Tony read a speech that he had prepared. He talked about how things used to be, before Uncle Henry was saved, he talked about how things changed, and about Uncle Henry's love for God and burden for the lost. He ended it with an announcement that sent Uncle Henry's heart racing... or maybe it stopped. He was just in shock.
You see, my Uncle Henry's dream is to go to Africa and preach. Every one who was present for the party, and numerous people who were unable to attend had all contributed an undisclosed amount of money to make his dream come true. Through teary eyes Uncle Henry stared speechless and in awe at his family and friends. The rest of the day was just as awesome. Just to see his reaction to the people who arrived and the amount that was contributed for him to go, was such a blessing. It made the rest of the worlds seem to just go away for a while...
Happy Birthday Uncle Henry!

She's really sick... they say she may not make it through the week. My heart aches. The Dr's say that all they can do now is make her comfortable I can't help but wonder how. She is so little, so frail, so sick, and so far gone. She has Alzheimer's... she has been through so much. I remember when it started. She would forget little things, like where the keys were. She would sit for hours just staring out the kitchen window. I can still remember the way the sun beams would dance on her red hair. I was maybe 4 when it all started. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with her, and I would just watch her. I never interrupted, she always looked so content. As time went on I remember her contentness turned and she would just sit and cry... still, I never interrupted, I just watched. I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before she stopped crying. We would sit and watch Soap Operas every afternoon, I enjoyed that time together. I remember when the family started to worry my dad said, "She can't separate whats on TV from reality." That scared me. That's when my heart first felt pain. I started to interrupted her quite time, and started to beg her to sit in the living room with me, I was 6 and trying my hardest to make things better.
I remember when her sister Aunt Rena would come up from Alamosa to visit, they would stay up for hours speaking Spanish and laughing. The visits became fewer when her sister started to have the same symptoms.
When I was 10 Grandma started getting worse. She would cry a lot more, when we would walk in the house she say "How did you find me?" She thought she was in Alamosa. To me it was like watching her grow backwards. She would tell us that her mom and dad came to visit. She was always looking for the 'baby'. She forgot so much. She would ask at least 8 times who you were. It hurt so bad. I would always get mad at her because I just told her, "Grandma, I'm Monique." I wouldn't cry until I was in the other room. She always used to make us promise that we wouldn't put her in home, so we had a nurse move in. That didn't last long. She needed more care than a nurse could offer.
Christmas 1997 Grandma was with us, she stayed at our house for a week. After the new year they said she was going to go back home. I was 15, I should have known better. They moved her into a nursing home, they said they could care for her better there. That was 8 years ago. Her condition continued to deteriorate. Her speach became so slurred it was nothing more than a mumble. She eventually quit asking to go home. She always cried. I hated seeing her in there, it hurt so bad to watch her and see her so miserable. But I knew that we couldn't care for her the way they do. I would go visit her, not as often as I should. Once or twice a month, and on her birthday and holidays. For her 90th birthday we brought Aunt Rena up. They sat there right next to each other and every few minutes they would realize that they were together. They would get so excited and mumble and then hug. It was like they were speaking the same language, and no one else understood.
Christmas 2005, she was sleeping when we went in. I knelt down beside her bed and was holding her hand. She opened one eye and smiled. "Merry Christmas" she said as clear as day. I started crying. "I love you Grandma." I couldn't stay any longer. I kissed her hand and left the room.
She just had her 91st birthday on April 12th. I think God is lending her to us for a just a little bit longer. I'm going to miss her, but I know that when she goes it won't be good-bye. It'll be "see you on the other side" I love her so much and I hate to see her hurting. But God will make her whole. I don't cry because I'm sad, I cry because I know its time. It's just hard to let go, right?

The Sandpiper
by Robert Peterson
She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sand castle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.
"Hello," she said.
I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.
"I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."
That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper glided by.
"That's a joy," the child said.
"It's a what?"
"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."
The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed completely out of balance.
"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.
"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."
"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."
"Hi, Wendy." She giggled.
"You're funny," she said.
In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.
"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."
The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTAmeetings, and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?"
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.
"I don't know. You say."
"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.
The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is."
"Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face.
"Where do you live?" I asked."Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages. Strange, I thought, in winter?
"Where do you go to school?"
"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation."
She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.
"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.
"Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?
"Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day."
"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!"
"Did it hurt?" she inquired.
"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.
"When she died?"
"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.
A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door "Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies."
"Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.
"She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice faltered, "She left something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?"
I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:
A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide.
I took Wendy's mother in my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together. The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words -- one for eachyear of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand-- who taught me the gift of love. ___________________________________________________________________
NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.

Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumascan make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis.This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means, take a moment... even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.This comes from someone's heart, and is read by many and now I share it with you...
May God Bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences!Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant. Who knows what they can teach us?
I wish for you, a sandpiper.
"All things work together for good to them that love God." Romans 8:28